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Patrick Tamao and his wife Maritz

by Fred Gardner

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As reported in The San Francisco Chronicle, February 5, 1973

lyrics

Been reading bout Patrick Tamao
a 31-year-old French priest
Why'd he decide to be crucified?
For world peace (for one day at least)

Some said he wanted publicity
And rigged up his wood cross with mirrors and tricks
But reporters from papers that covered the caper
Denied it had been crucifixed

His hands were bound arms akimbo
His eyes rolled upward unto the sky
Like a kid who had bothered a tyrant father
He didn't cry or even ask why

Cripples threw away their crutches
Amid early rumors of miracles to be
The lame would be running the dumb would be humming
The blind would see him on TV

But then after twenty-two hours
In agony Patrick Tamao did weep
I've almost endured the pain of our Lord
but Mon Dieu my left foot is asleep

And there it all might have ended
just one more miracle not meant to be
But his wife without kvetching, got up started stretching
And told the reporters now boys watch me

Oui, Maritz climbed up and did it
While scientists watched from their secular ground
For fifty two hours displaying her powers
And then she ever so lightly touched down

The media seeking her secret
Were told by this woman of wisdom and tact
"Pat taught me how to hang tough it's Tamao-
ism... It's his act."

But it was too late for concealing
What millions of fellas have long tried to hide
Girls can be stronger do anything longer
Even be crucified

Well call it fact or crucifixion
I put down the Chronicle with one thing to say:
Don't put off on Madame Tamao the goddamn
Things you oughta finish yourself today.

February, 1973

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released April 11, 2020

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Fred Gardner Alameda, California

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